Have you ever questioned your memories…
Felt like something was wrong — but couldn’t explain why?
Have you ever heard the words
“You’re too sensitive.”
“That never happened.”
“You always twist things.”
…and slowly began to doubt your own reality?
You’re not alone. And you’re not crazy.
You may have grown up with a narcissistic parent — specifically, a father who distorted your world so that his version of truth always came first.
In this episode, we’re talking about reality distortion, gaslighting, and the deep, confusing ache of cognitive dissonance that so many daughters carry into adulthood.
This is about reclaiming your truth.
It’s about giving language to the confusion and finally saying, “What I felt was real. What I saw was real. What I needed… mattered.”
1. What is at the Core of Emotional Abuse?
Let’s talk about something that is at the core of emotional abuse but often invisible until you’ve lived it — or until you’ve finally woken up inside it.
It’s the connection between gaslighting and cognitive dissonance {which comes from experiencing chronic confusion}
Gaslighting creates confusion, which, if done many times, creates chronic confusion by distorting reality, which leads to cognitive dissonance.
Why is this important?
It’s important because of this fundamental truth:
The number one symptom of emotional abuse is cognitive dissonance. And the number one tool used to create it… is gaslighting.
A) Gaslighting
What Exactly is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a commonly used word that entered the pop culture zeitgeist. It is accurately used when you witness crazy-making behavior. When words vs. reality don’t align. When intentions or actions rooted in reality are twisted to blame another person or for a different agenda.
So, what exactly is it?
Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where the abuser tries to make the victim doubt their own reality, memory, emotions, or perception.
It’s not just lying — it’s a sustained pattern of psychological invalidation, often used to confuse, control, and destabilize the innocent victim.
It’s saying things like
- “That never happened — you’re imagining things.”
- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “You’re overreacting, like always.”
- “Why do you twist everything I say?”
When you are innocent, you live in a world where truth and reality align. You assume that because you are being truthful, everyone else is and should be.
So as an innocent person, when you hear some of these things and before you understand that it’s emotional abuse, the first thing you experience is confusion. You feel confused.
In fact, experiencing CONFUSION is the number 2 symptom regardless of the situation where all the alarm bells should be going off that something is not right; it doesn’t matter who it is.
But because you are innocent and in your world honesty means everything, truth and integrity are who you are. Then chronic psychological manipulation doesn’t make any sense. It’s a foreign concept to you. It’s not something that is even remotely in your psyche or your DNA.
Trying to control another person doesn’t make any sense. In fact, you are not motivated for such things, and you assume that other people must be like you. Why? Because you see the world through the eyes of self.
For most people who have been victims, they NEVER imagined that a person could exist in a world where true north can become south, sugar tastes like salt, and oil and water mix together perfectly. An Upside-Down World.
The Experience of Living in An Upside-Down World.
Where the person who hurts you the most calls themselves your protector
Where abuse is disguised as devotion, and control wears the costume of care.
Where truth becomes “drama” and lies become “keeping the peace.”
Where your tears are seen as manipulation, but their rage is seen as justified.
Where you are told you’re “Too sensitive” for feeling the very harm they inflicted.
Where the loudest voices preach morality while practicing cruelty.
Where you’re expected to forgive those who never took responsibility and shamed if you set a boundary.
Where silence is rewarded, but your voice is punished.
Where gaslighting isn’t just an act — it’s a system, and you didn’t even know you were inside it.
People who have been victims NEVER imagined that a world like this existed.
B) Cognitive Dissonance: The Number 1 Symptom of Emotional Abuse
The number 1 symptom of emotional or psychological abuse is cognitive dissonance.
Gaslighting creates confusion. Confusion creates cognitive dissonance.
Over time, gaslighting makes you question your own sanity.
You learn to trust their version of reality over your own.
What Exactly is Cognitive Dissonance?
Cognitive dissonance is the mental and emotional conflict that happens when what you see, feel, or know doesn’t match what you’re being told.
It’s that unsettling, confusing, often painful experience of trying to make two contradictory realities fit together — and they don’t.
Here is an example of a dialogue, and let’s see if you can sense the gaslighting.
Gaslighting Dialogue #1
Partner A (calm but hurt):
“I felt really uncomfortable with how you spoke to me in front of your friends last night. It felt like you were mocking me.”
Partner B (dismissive):
“That never happened — you’re imagining things.”
Partner A (confused):
“No, I remember exactly what you said. Everyone even got quiet afterward…”
Partner B (condescending):
“You’re too sensitive. It was a joke. Everyone else laughed — you just always take things the wrong way.”
Partner A (more unsure):
“I don’t think I was being too sensitive. It didn’t feel like a joke to me.”
Partner B (frustrated):
“You’re overreacting, like always. Seriously, it’s exhausting trying to talk to you about anything.”
Partner A (quietly):
“I’m just trying to tell you how I felt…”
Partner B (accusatory):
“Why do you twist everything I say? It’s like you want to fight. Nothing I say is ever good enough for you.”
A Breakdown of the Manipulation:
- Denial of reality: “That never happened — you’re imagining things.”
- Invalidation of emotions: “You’re too sensitive.”
- Minimizing the response: “You’re overreacting, like always.”
- Reversal of blame: “Why do you twist everything I say?”
This creates emotional confusion, self-doubt, and guilt — the foundation of cognitive dissonance in emotional abuse.
Healthy, Emotionally Validating Dialogue #1
Here’s a healthy, emotionally validating version of that same conversation — using the same initiating comment from Partner A but showing how a supportive, self-aware partner responds with empathy and accountability instead of gaslighting.
Partner A (calm but hurt):
“I felt really uncomfortable with how you spoke to me in front of your friends last night. It felt like you were mocking me.”
Partner B (pauses, then softens):
“Wow… I didn’t realize it came across that way. Thank you for telling me.”
Partner A (still unsure):
“It just hit me hard in the moment. I didn’t say anything then, but it stayed with me.”
Partner B (genuinely concerned):
“I hear that. I’m sorry I made you feel that way. That wasn’t my intention, but I can see how it landed. I want you to feel safe and respected, especially in front of others.”
Partner A (relieved):
“Thank you. That really means a lot.”
Partner B (open and connected):
“Let’s talk more about what felt hurtful. I want to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
What Makes This Healthy:
- Acknowledges the experience without defensiveness
- Validates the feeling without minimizing it
- Takes responsibility without shame or guilt-tripping
- Opens space for repair and deeper connection
No confusion. No inner war. No erosion of self-trust.
Instead, there’s clarity, safety, and mutual growth — the foundation of healthy emotional intimacy.
So, I do really hope that conversation helped you to see what gaslighting is.
Gaslighting Dialogue #2: Encounter with a Stranger
Imagine…
You look up and clearly see a blue sky.
But someone next to you says:
“That’s not blue. That’s purple. How can you possibly get things wrong? I would get your eyes checked if I were you.”
Now, you’re not just disagreeing — you’re starting to question your own perception.
And that’s the moment cognitive dissonance is born.
“Wait… I saw blue. Didn’t I?
Am I wrong?
Why do I feel so crazy right now?”
That’s the internal war.
And here’s the kicker:
If the person simply said, “Yes, it’s blue,”
or even “You see blue, I see purple — that’s interesting,” there’s no dissonance. There’s no psychological fracture.
The tension only exists because you’re being told your reality is false.
And that’s what gaslighting does.
Gaslighting doesn’t just lie.
It replaces your truth.
It distorts your inner compass and tries to substitute it with their version of reality.
And over time, this slowly trains you to distrust yourself —
your gut, your memories, your emotions, your instincts.
This leads to a cycle:
You feel something is off. →
You raise a concern. →
You’re dismissed, minimized, or blamed. →
You doubt yourself. →
You stay in the relationship trying to “figure it out.”
— not realizing the entire system is designed to keep you disoriented.
And this disorientation is not a sign that you’re broken.
It’s a sign that you’re being manipulated.
Now let’s bring it deeper — into the origin story.
C) Why Is It That for Many Women (Not All), Cognitive Dissonance Starts in Childhood?
This experience doesn’t begin in adulthood for many people.
For so many women, this dynamic is actually rooted in childhood — especially in relationships with narcissistic fathers.
A narcissistic father teaches his daughter early on:
“Your job is to attune to me — my moods, my needs, my image.
Your truth? Your voice? Your feelings? They’re negotiable.”
So, she grows up learning that:
- Her reality is often wrong or unimportant.
- Her love must be earned through performance or silence.
- Her nervous system must suppress discomfort to maintain the illusion of love and peace.
- And that confusion = love because that’s what she experienced.
So, by the time she enters adulthood, she’s primed for emotional dissonance.
And when she meets a narcissistic partner who gaslights her —
it doesn’t feel like abuse.
It feels like home.
Familiar.
Painful… but familiar.
2. Why Narcissistic Fathers Gaslight Their Daughters
Gaslighting is a tactic rooted in the narcissistic need for control, superiority, and self-preservation. When a narcissistic father gaslights or emotionally manipulates his daughter, it’s often for these reasons:
- To avoid accountability for his harmful behavior
- To disarm and confuse her so she doesn’t challenge or confront him
- To protect his image as a good father, even if it means rewriting reality
- To maintain power by keeping her emotionally dependent and self-doubting
A daughter is often the emotional barometer of the household — and a narcissistic father may see her emotional insight or sensitivity as a threat to his fragile ego.
So instead of validating her truth, he distorts it — until she no longer knows what’s real.
Gaslighting Dialogue #3 A 10-year-old girl trying to express hurt.
Seting: It’s evening. The family had dinner with guests. The daughter was embarrassed when her father mocked her in front of them.
Daughter (quietly):
“Daddy, I didn’t like what you said about me at dinner. Everyone laughed at me, and I felt really small.”
Father (smiling, dismissive):
“What? That was just a joke. You’re being too sensitive again.”
Daughter (nervous):
“But… it really hurt my feelings.”
Father (sharper now):
“You’re twisting my words. I was trying to make everyone laugh. You need to learn how to take a joke — people will think you’re weak if you cry over everything.”
Daughter (quieter):
“Oh… okay.”
Father (leaning back):
“Honestly, I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately. You used to be so cheerful. Now you’re always looking for something to be upset about.”
Daughter (ashamed, looking down):
“I’ll try to be better.”
What Just Happened:
- His daughter felt something true: emotional pain.
- She bravely named it.
- Instead of being met with empathy or repair, she was:
- Dismissed (“too sensitive”)
- Blamed (“twisting my words”)
- Shamed (“people will think you’re weak”)
- Emotionally flipped into being the problem
She walks away not only unseen, but confused and self-doubting.
This is how gaslighting in childhood takes root — when a child learns: “What I feel isn’t real. I must be the problem.”
Healing Version Dialogue #3: A Father Who Sees and Honors His Daughter
Daughter (quietly):
“Daddy, I didn’t like what you said about me at dinner. Everyone laughed at me, and I felt really small.”
Father (pausing, then softening):
“Oh sweetheart… I’m really glad you told me that.”
Daughter (tentative):
“It just didn’t feel good. I didn’t know why you said it.”
Father (gently):
“You’re right to speak up. I thought I was being funny, but if it made you feel small, then I crossed a line — and I’m sorry.”
Daughter (relieved, tearful):
“Okay…”
Father (kneeling to her eye level):
“Your feelings matter to me. You didn’t do anything wrong. I made a mistake, and I’ll do better. I never want you to feel like the joke is on you.”
Daughter (soft smile):
“Thanks, Daddy.”
Father (smiling warmly):
“You’re brave for telling me. That’s what strong girls do — they speak the truth. And I’m proud of you.”
What Just Happened:
- The father paused and listened, instead of defending.
- He acknowledged her reality, instead of denying it.
- The daughter was heard, validated, and honored.
- He took responsibility, without shaming, without defensiveness or flipping blame.
- The relationship was repaired, not ruptured
- She walked away with more self-trust, not less
- He repaired the rupture, and in doing so, helped her nervous system learn: “My feelings matter. I’m not too much. I’m safe to speak.”
This scene isn’t fantasy — it’s what’s possible in emotionally safe relationships. And even if we didn’t have this growing up, it’s never too late to give it to ourselves now — or to model it for the next generation.
This is what builds a child’s emotional foundation for life:
Not perfection — but presence, humility, and repair.
3. Ways Narcissistic Fathers Gaslight Their Daughters
Here are some specific gaslighting patterns that Narcissistic Fathers Gaslight use on Their Daughters
A. Denying Her Experience
“I never said that.”
“You made that up.”
“You always misinterpret everything.”
He rewrites events, denies painful moments, and erases her memories — so she questions her own perception.
B. Blame-Shifting
“You’re the one with the problem.”
“If you weren’t so difficult, I wouldn’t get angry.”
He turns the focus away from his behavior and blames her emotional reactions.
C. Minimizing Her Emotions
“Stop being dramatic.”
“You’re too emotional.”
“Get over it.”
He teaches her that her feelings are exaggerated or invalid — discouraging emotional trust.
D. Changing the Subject or Stonewalling
He evades questions or goes silent to make her feel like she’s wrong for even bringing it up.
E. Playing the Victim
“After all I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?”
He twists the narrative to paint himself as the wounded party, forcing her to question her own hurt and even feel guilty.
4. What is the Long-Term Impact on Daughters?
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, and its effects run deep. Here’s what it leaves behind after narcissistic relationships.
A. Chronic Self-Doubt
- You second-guesses yourself in relationships, work, and even daily decisions.
- You might constantly ask: “Am I overreacting?” or “Is it my fault?”
B. Internalized Invalidation
- You begin invalidating your own needs and instincts without even realizing it.
C. Loss of Identity
- Growing up unable to trust your feelings or truth, you don’t really know who you are.
- For some people they molds themselves onto others, fearing rejection if they speak honestly.
E. Hypervigilance
- You become extremely sensitive to other people’s moods or tone, trying to preempt criticism or conflict.
Healing and Empowerment After Gaslighting and Cognitive Dissonance
This is where empowerment comes in.
a) It was NOT your fault.
I wish I can shout from the roof tops for everyone to hear this.
b) Gaslighting is meant to confuse you — not because you are confused, but because you are too aware.
You pick up on subtleties and your intuition knows things. Your body can sense that something is not right.
But listening to LOGIC ONLY AND DISMISSING YOUR INTUITION is the ultimate downfall. Because there is more to this world than that which you can see with your physical senses.
*Shared Personal stories on available on Audio only
This becomes a lifelong soul work of discernment, finding your personal sovereignty and truth.
c) Healing is about relearning to trust your body, your voice, your memories, and your truth.
And some of these things I will cover in depth in other upcoming episodes where we focus only on healing.
d) Learning what is at the core of the template of a narcissist so that you are not afraid anymore.
Another part of your empowerment is learning what is the core of the template of narcissist so that you are not afraid anymore. You want to take power away from the mystery of not knowing.
You know that they are very dangerous NOT because they are POWERFUL, but because they are POWERLESS and WITHOUT CONSCIENCE.
Because a real powerful person knows that you build, not destroy, you ask, not judge and condemn, you bring people together, not divide. You nourish, not diminish, deprive, withhold or neglect.
Learning the core of the template of a narcissist becomes key because once you meet one narcissist, and you have unhealed trauma; (and this is a truth experienced by many survivors) there is a pipeline of them that the law of attraction has queued up for you.
Remember the law of attraction is your friend if you have the correct mindset. But if you hate what the universe has been delivering to you (which is completely understandable), then the law of attraction can be cruel and relentlessly accurate.
Why?
Because it is pinging at the core of your wound not so that you can run away and hide but because your soul is always calling you home back to yourself and always calling you back to wholeness. If you use the LOA correctly, if you use it as a mirror to reflect where you are vibrationally at any given moment, you will benefit immensely.
The bottom line is that there is more to this world than that which you can see with your physical senses.
e) Use Triggers As Opportunities To Go Within And Heal What Has Surfaced.
But if you understand the core of the template of a narcissist, then you have nothing to fear. You will see them coming and get the reminder from the universe that it’s only showing you that you are still doing your internal healing, nothing more.
Use those opportunities (or triggers) to go within and heal what has surfaced.
- What is the trigger?
- What caused the trigger?
- What is it making you do?
Observe your behavior or reaction and don’t dwell on what the other person was doing, because it’s not about them.
It’s about YOU getting back all your power!
And the only way to learn that is to embrace what is triggering you and being with that inner child that was hurt in creating safety and trust within. It’s also about integrating that trauma so that you can move forward with confidence.
* Inner Child Conversation on available on Audio only.
In the next episode I want to continue speaking about healing and empowerment.
- We will start with the core of the narcissist so that you are not afraid anymore.
- Integrating the trauma and seeing yourself like the divine sees you.
Because you are more than your trauma and what happened to you.
And just because you went through trauma doesn’t diminish the goodness of who you are.
Please take care of yourself and I will see you in the next episode.