As a sensitive soul, there are those days when something happens that triggers the pain body, and you find yourself sobbing uncontrollably. Have you ever had one of those days? It was one of those days for me.
I was a graduate student at the time, living in NY. There is something about the Upstate New York winters that can sometimes be so biting. Wind howling through the barren branches, and some days of feeling the gloom that can accompany the lack of sunlight.
It started out as a normal day and things took an unexpected turn. I don’t recall having such a breakdown before in my life. This was a major breakdown, this was different.
And over the next 3 days, something unexpected, something magical happened that changed my life forever.
Trauma Is Stored in the Body, Not Just the Mind
When I started working on myself, it started overnight, literally. I didn’t even know “I was working on myself.” It felt natural, like the next logical step. Only when I looked back did I realize that I had received an invitation.
As a sensitive soul, there are those days when something happens that triggers the pain body, and you find yourself sobbing uncontrollably. It was one of those days for me.
The dam had burst open, and I remember lying on my bed sobbing. It was the week of Christmas, and schools were closed for the holidays.
As a graduate student, it was the first time I had a break in what felt like a long time. In that period of low stress, my body started recovering, and I felt this deep loneliness surge from within me. I had been away from my family for a long time, and winter in New York was brutal that year, and everything felt cold.
It felt like I had suppressed my emotions for a really long time, and finally, my body said no more, and I broke down. This happened over 3 days, and on the third day something unexpected happened.
So, there I was on my bed. I opened YouTube so that I could play a song or find something soothing.
The first video that queued up on my feed was a meditation. That was the first time I sat down to listen to a meditation—no questions asked. I didn’t know what it was; I didn’t know what was in it, but I suspended all judgment. I clicked on it.
As I sat there sobbing and listening to the meditation, a vision appeared in my mind, a vision of Abraham (from Bible stories) sacrificing his own son, someone he loved deeply. I had not been to church in years. I had not read the story of Abraham since Sunday school as a little girl.
But in that moment, I understood at the soul level what was being asked of me, what had to be done. I understood what needed to be sacrificed. Something I had been holding on to—something that even I could not comprehend. A difficult relationship.
As I sat there in this guided meditation, I was present.
My logical mind was aware, but not in any active analysis. I wasn’t in my head anymore; I was in my heart and in my body. In the meditation, and without hesitation, I acknowledged to my higher power—that which some people call God or source or the divine—that I was holding onto this thing that had brought me a lot of pain.
I acknowledged that I did not understand this relationship. It was like living in an upside-down world. Things that were supposed to be easy were difficult; simple requests seemed like an endless power struggle.
I spoke to my higher power like I was talking to a friend. And I said, “You have given me everything I have ever asked for in life, and I am very grateful. But this relationship doesn’t belong to me. I am giving it back to you. Take it; this is yours”. And I let go without any expectation…
This was not letting go and secretly hoping that something magically changed; I truly let go. I didn’t know what the outcome was going to be. I felt as though I had been carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, and in that one instance, I had given it to someone else who perhaps understood what was going on.
When I let go, it felt as though I was falling from the top of a mountain with no parachute but at the same time understanding that it was safe to do so. This was instinctual. I was in a place where I allowed myself to experience what was happening—and there was no fear.
I went to a place of stillness where the only thing I could see was a deep darkness. It was quiet, comforting, no thoughts, just being.
When I woke up the next morning, something profound had shifted in me. I opened my eyes and then opened my eyes again. It was as if I had been sleeping for a long time, and for the first time, I could see clearly. Colors were more vivid, sounds more appealing, and silence was soothing and comforting.
The sun was shining on the snow covering the front lawn, and it was so beautiful. I felt this deep inspiration to pack a bag and go on a road trip. A few hours later, I was on the road, the sun shining through the windshield of my car, which was both nourishing and comforting that there were better days ahead.
When I look back at my life, that is the night my life changed forever. It was truly the beginning of the rest of my life. And that journey has led me to who I am today.
As a Sensitive Soul, What Baggage Are YOU carrying?
As a sensitive person, I didn’t know how much weight I had been carrying inside me all those years—all the unexpressed emotions…
Since I was a child, I have always been the responsible one. Responsible for other people’s feelings and keeping the peace. Responsible for the things I wasn’t supposed to be responsible for. And this was all I knew. I thought I was being taught to be responsible in my life.
And you may not even know how much of the world you are taking along with you. Things that don’t belong to you.
Being responsible can sometimes feel like the weight of the world on your shoulders.
This weight is often what eventually overwhelms the nervous system, and the body can’t take it anymore.
There is a better way to live.
True living starts when you start honoring the emotions that show up for you. When you start letting go of the things that don’t serve you.
I started to learn the art of regularly letting go. Regularly clearing the emotional baggage.
Healing begins when you start to release the things that you’ve been holding onto for dear life, the things that have brought you so much pain.
And being afraid to let go is normal.
When you have experienced emotional abuse, even without been aware, you are carrying heavy burdens within you and your body and mind operate from survival mode. And one of the core emotions associated with this way of living is fear.
Your life depends on it.
Fear comes from the belief that you may die if you give up these things. And especially when you have invested time, money and emotions. And even more so — this is the only way you know how to live life.
The irony is that the tighter you hold onto something that is causing you pain, the longer you extend the pain and misery. The key is to bless it, thank it for what it has served in your life, and let it go—expecting nothing in return.
In that space of letting go, there is less resistance, more openness, acceptance, and clarity. This is the space where you allow the right things to come in, the right information, the right people, etc. This is the beginning of
creating trust with yourself and your higher power.
And real trust is revealed when you let go and expect nothing in return.
You don’t have to start with the big things.
- Start small and build up the momentum of letting go of things that don’t serve you.
- Give people the benefit of the doubt.
- Broaden your aperture; create your 30,000 ft perspective by asking, is this going to matter a week from now? Is this going to matter a year from now?
And don’t take things so seriously, so personally …
Let it go. Let it all go.
Most invitations come in the mail, but the special ones come gently, delivered with love.
This is your special invitation.
What are you holding on to that hasn’t been serving you?
Are you willing to let it go?
The answers lie within you.
Begin to discover for yourself the airy feeling of life when you start to let some things go.
As we end this episode, I leave you with this — Healing is not something that happens in a therapist’s office;, healing is a decision that you make every day.
Healing is an act of love.